Friday, 25 March 2016

Strictly Crack (Is Wack)

What's crackalacking ?

Now, usually at this point we would start with an EPMD based pun, or something. However, this time around we here at Strictly Business HQ can't be izarsed, we have more important things to do, like drop some gems that are heavier than Neil from The Young Ones sitting on the lap of Jon Brower Minnoch listening to Big Pun with your Mum.

"Strictly Business ?
Didn't you dudes retire or something ???"

Nah brah, we all know what happens when hip hop twats announce their retirement...
We've just been hiding out beneath the ground, you know, to stop the government from killing us & shit.
To put it into an easily digestable term - we fucked off.
Yeah, fucked right off, then we come back wanting your attention, then we fuck off again.
Strictly Biz is like that girl you used to adore back in the day, every breath you took was for her, you remember.
Your whole world stopped when she went away, you didn't think you could cope, your entire universe was devastated.
But slowly, as time passed, you learned how to live without her, you remembered how to breath for yourself, & eventually you learned how to smile again...
Then she came back !

Yeah, aren't we hilarious.

Oh, by the way about that last post. I jumped Deaf Geoff & tied him to a tree, I think he's still there, I doubt that we'll be hearing from him again.
I still can't believe that he put a bloody 50 Cent track up here. What a nob.

Anyway, the planned Christmas thing didn't happen, or the new years thing, or any of the other things.
Never mind, Strictly Biz goes wonky so often that it's become traditional, & it's traditional that we disappear without trace, only to re-emerge chunkier that ever, i.e. we fuck off, then come back.
Uh, pardon me, uh.
So, keeping with the tradition of fucking off & coming back.
We fucked off.
Now we're back.
Back in Business.
Back to burn.
Back with Crack !

Yeah, crack. You may have heard of it.
Not an arse, or a fanny, or a fun time in Ireland.
You know, freebase cocaine, aka biscuits, aka fatbags, aka onion, aka scrabble, aka teeth, aka e.t.c.
The type of ready rock that didn't beatbox with Will Smith.

Put simply, smokable cocaine.
Just pop it in a pipe & away you go.
Yeah, you smoke it, cos anyone who would attempt to snort any kind of rock must be a bit of a dimwit (word up Gerald).
But once you've smoked it, it starts smoking you.
The smokers lost everything, & the dealers lost the ability to record decent music.

At this point, I advise you all to memorise this list to familiarise yourselves with some of the terms that will be used throughout this piece.

Crack started becoming mad popular in 1984, & by 1985 it was huge.
The epidemic was fuelled by the CIA & chums (ahem) - allegedly - shipping massive quantities of cocaine to the United States. Everyone was puffing away.
You see, when a new drug appears you generally only hear the upside to begin with, it takes a while for the badness to hit. People would lace their bifters with crack, megaspangled, no problemo, right ?


Proper wrong'un.

Here's the thing with drugs...
If you have some one day, try not to have them the next day.
If you do, then really try to not have them the next day.
If you do, then definitely don't have any the next day.
Hopefully that should do the trick.
Try to eat lots of vegetables instead.
Or something (™)
But crack is a right bugger.
It's a bit like Guinness.
First, it's like - "Eurgh, that tastes funny"
But then, it's like - "Ooh, I feel nice"

Yeah, like Guinness, & smoked haddock, & episodes of Sooty & Co, makes you feel nice, but if you do it all day, you go a bit wrong.

So, anyway - crack, yeah.
Here are lots of songs about crack.
Primarily from 1984 to 1987.
But, here's the funny thing.
If you were smoking crack from 1984 to 1987, you probably missed a lot of these tracks.
Strange how things turn out intit.

The point (?) here is not on some social commentary shit, this is about the music, yuh dig ?
However, we should point out that these are not the views of the entire Strictly Business squizzod, these are simply the ramblings of a man who is an obsessive rap nerd who likes spreading hip hop love nice & thick.
But don't love crack.
Do not luh dat shit.
Fuck uppers (™ Strictly Business 2016), stimulate yourselves with life.
It's fresh !
Anyway, downers are much better, you wonk off before you can spunk all your Regina's heads.
But then crack is kind of an upper & a downer, so it's a really intense version of the standard buy one/get one free thing.
But not intense in the good way, not for long anyway...
Drugs can/will fuck your looks, family, money, home & dignity.
Also your lungs, teeth, feet & bum. (feet & bum).
As well as your friends, your pride, your life, everything.

Bear with me.
No, I haven't got a bear with me.
I mean bare with me.
But it's not bare with me.
It's bear with me.


Sorry. I'm attempting to be serious, whilst keeping it lighthearted & upbeat, but I don't think it's going very well.
What i'm trying to say is crack is bad.
No, that doesn't sound right.
Crack is weak.
No, but something along those lines.
Crack is wank.
Well, obviously not, you can't put posters up in schools with than on can you.
Crack is wack.
Made to measure.

Like many other substances, crack fucked up many lives, that's not a good thing, as you keep getting told, life is fresh.
But in this world, you have to try to turn a negative to a positive.
And in the 1980's, some people stood near some microphones & tried their blumming best to flip the horrors of the crack era to something that we can all love...

Boom baps !
(sort of)

The year of crack was 1985.

1985 was 31 years ago.
(It would have been 30, but Strictly Biz were too shit to post this as planned in 2015.)

31 fucking years.
(Like I said, 30, shit, e.t.c.)


1985 - The year that brought us the Sinclair C5.
1985 - The year of the Live Aid concerts.
1985 - The year of the first Wrestlemania.
1985 - The year the first Air Jordans were released.
1985 - The year of Rock The Bells, PSK, King Of Rock & La-Di-Da-Di.
1985 - The year Orson Welles, Yul Brynner & Wilfrid Brambell died.
1985 - The year Lily Allen, Lady Sovereign & Dizzee Rascal were born. (!?!)
1985 - The year crack hit big.
(The last two may have been related)

Luckily, every fucker loves retro these days, so we're bringing back the crack attack like Fleetwood Mac, Outback Jack & Jetpac.

And whilst we speaking about retro, let's get this one little chestnut straight.

If you're talking about the Ice-T LP, then it's fine to use the term "O.G.".
However, if you're talking about anything else using that term, then you are a pillock.
Are your shoes a "gangster" ?
No !
Are your records "gangsters" ?
No !
Is anything except a gangster "gangster" ?
No !

Stop being twannies.
But before the crack thing, the first part of another upcoming series -
"Completely Pointless Websites That Jacked Our Logo #984"

That was part one, hope you enjoyed it.
Part two soon, now, back to the crack.

Just one more thing before we start.

This is part one, it covers the years 1984 to 1987, & is strictly hip hop songs about crack. So for tracks about other forms of cocaine, or non specific drugs, or tracks released in 1988 & beyond, or non hip hop anti crack tracks, or other weird shit, look out for the next chapters in the saga...
(Except for all the errors that have definitely been made)...

Oh yeah - Remember that thing we mentioned a while back about Strictly Business & "quality over quantity" ?
Um, probably best if you forget about that for a bit.

Saying that, how could you go wrong with lots of tinny keyboard songs that say "cr-cr-crack" repeatedly ?
Flair thinks that all these tracks are dope, & Flair's taste in music is far superior to yours, so up yours pissface.

Pissface rhymes with kiss chase.

Right, that's more than enough of that shit.
Let's get cracking.

A few comments about the highlights...

The first track here is "Crackdown" by 2 Fresh, But I can't really write much about it because I don't know much about it other than it's rare, & it was on the Pitre label from Texas.

Equally mysterious is "The Rock" by 450, or 450SL. mainly because they neglected to put their name on the record label.
However, producer John Scroggings put out Zuri's "Not Tonight" in 1987 & that had a break on it.
Come on, a break in 1987.
No ?

This will get better.



"Tragic Magic" by the AC Posse may well be remembered by a few of you, it got a bit of radio plizay bizack in the dizay, I think The Boss played it a few times, & regular readers may well remember a version of the track was included on our Strictly Beatbox comp a few years back. No info on the Posse unfortunately, same goes for Crown Records, this 12" was the first & only release on the label, which I think was based in New Jersey.
One thing though, as I mentioned a few years back. I can understand totally why the Posse have probs with crack, but what's their beef with P-Funk ??? Hmmmm, maybe I need my ears cleaned out (I seriously do), but what did Dr Funkenstein & his mates ever do to the Posse ???
Saying that, this was the mid '80s, so it was probably due to musical torture.

Next up is the crew with possibly the best name EVER (Yes, even better than the MCs Of Rap) - the Ace Lord Chillers with "Living In A Cracktown", hugely digging this shit, that singalong chorus is more catchy than chlamydia. I don't really like the term 'ear worm', so let's call this a 'lug bug', or preferably a 'lug bugger'. Again, the only release from the Chillers, on Cali's Love Joy Records & produced by Coke Escovedo's brother Pete. You will like this (if you like this sort of thing), that chorus melody is so infectious & the MCs do a right lovely job. The cherry on the crack cake is the way the word "crack" pops up throughout the tune in that marvelous mid '80s "Owner Of A Lonely Heart/Wow - Push that again" style, unfuckablewith. You'll be singing that chorus for weeks, plus they're called the Ace Lord Chillers for frig's sake.

Then we have more west coast action from A'lan "The Fox" Bennett with "Rocks". On Al's own Fox Records, which, like Love Joy, were distributed by Macola. Even if you say the words "nineteen eighty five" aloud, it can never sound as 1985 as this track. Now, I don't wanna start any beef, but I think it's fair to say that our boy A'lan was not the most gifted MC ever, but the little drawing of the fox on the record label is nice, so, swings & roundabouts.

"Stop Cracking" by Audio Source is a bit more like it, that mid '80s back & forth rhyming is in effect. Here's a quote - "Get On The Mic & Rap About Crack", and by jove, they bloody do ! You won't be surprised to hear that this was the only release from Audio Source, the track was recorded in Long Island, but was released by North Carolina's Cash Money Records, I have no idea why, seems a bit of a trek. Produced by George Kerr (who seems to pop up a lot on Strictly Biz comps) & Samm Culley from legendary groups such as Skull Snaps & The Fatback Band, & is therefore breakbeat royalty. "Stop Cracking" appears to be the only track both MCs appeared on, which is a bit of a pisser as they are doing a decent job on this one.

Then we have Bipo.
Oh Bipo.
Aaah Bipo.
Guess what ???
This is the only thing he ever released as far as I know.
One of the dudes who worked on this co-produced "The Alarm" by The Hawk, what that means is anyone's guess though.
Actually, he did release another track in 1988 called "Why ?" (Which is exactly what you ask when you hear it).
OK, you got me, i'm trying hard not to diss Bipo, cos he was probably a lovely bloke, but it's pretty difficult...
Anyway, this is Bipo's first joint & it's called "Crack Is Wack", which may be starting to sound familiar at this point. Yeah, it's fairly shit, but it sounds like Rakim over a Mozart track produced by Quincy fucking Jones compared to "Why ?".
Now, Bipo got down with this anti crack shit due to being friends with Keith Haring. Ah, now we're getting somewhere. Bipo worked in Keith's original Pop Shop store in Lower Manhattan & first performed the track in the infamous Tunnel nightclub. There is a music video of our boy busting his rhymes in front of Keith's original mural, but i'll be buggered if I can find it. That's about all I really know about Bipo, but he is with some fly honeydips in the pics I can find of him online, but he also has tight jeans, so I can't make up my mind.

The next track is a bit interesting, it's the first BDP track (by name anyway), released in 1986 just before they blew the frig up, it's "Say No Brother (Crack Attack - Don't Do It)". That's about as interesting as it gets though, but it's a rare record, & Jumbo gets rhymed with Dumbo quite a bit, so it can't be that bad, can it ?!? Nah, it's not that bad, it's just not that good either, I should say some more about this important song, but i'm not going to, so there.

All the old heads should love this next shit, it's "The Pipe" by Bottomline, another one that is soooooo 1985.
Pity that it was released in 1987.
Actually it was released twice, it's also out there credited to one Aletha Metcalf, but it's the same track. It's another Cali joint, which may explain why it sounded retro in '87, not to disrespect millions of people, but the West (usually) took it's time to catch up to the holy East until the late '80s. (Ouch - Sorry, please don't shoot me). "The Pipe" was produced by Rich Cason, who was responsible for the hilarious/amazing "When Doves Cry Rapp (pts 1, 2 & 3)", which also alerted us to the woes of bugle, as well as a big fuck load of other songs. Personally, I like "The Pipe" (The song, not the object). Like a lot of these tracks it reminds me of being young, carefree & on crack, except for the crack bit.

Hurrah for Philly's own Crusaders Of Bass, they are here to save us with "Don't Put The Bubble In The Pipe". They have a good point, crack is totally harmless, as long as you don't smoke it. Yes ! - This is the only thing they released. Yes ! - This is the only release on Shakee Deal records. Also the only track produced by Chilli Willi, who, in fairness did a decent enough job. Probably one of the better tracks featured here, but I am fully aware that's not particularly difficult. I just hope their message doesn't apply to spirit levels though, cos I don't dig wonky shelves yo.

That bloody crack got about, the next selection is from Detroit, it's called "Free-Base City", & it's by the gramatically dodgy  Conniosseurs Of Groove. It was produced by Larry Reynolds from The Dramatics & featured on the "Reap & Destroy" LP, actually the LP version is different, better even, so that should have probably been the one featured here, but it isn't, so that will give you all reason to dig out the LP & witness some of the absolute shittiest artwork ever, obviously designed by someone who had one too many jumbos that day.

"Crack's Not Where It's At" by Cool J Watt is pretty ill, chunky drums, nice flow, rare as fuck, what else do you want ?
It's the B side to the superdope LL diss track "I'm Mad". What a record ! Hunt it down, buy it, love it, fuck your life up & be forced to sell it, sort your shit out & buy it again, love it again, live happily ever after.

Did I mention spelling a minute ago ?
Sort of !
Anyway, next in line is a man who couldn't spell his song correctly, or even his own name, which surely makes him a hero. It's  Cool Tauras Lover with "Free Baseing (Cocaine)". Now our man Tauras is a proper smoothie, no silly - he isn't made from smushed up fruit, he's a man, a human man, a loverman. Tauras started out in the crew known as The Cool Love Brothers who released the very entertaining "Gigolo" in 1984, then done did the dolo with the track featured here, before deciding that he was far too smooth to rap any more & took up singing instead. Actually he was singing before he was rapping under his real name Michael Sterling, check out "Desperate" from 1983, that shit will blow the roof off anywhere. The joint right here known as "Free Baseing (Cocaine)" is great, I think. Or it might be shit, I can't make my mind up. Either way, it's weirdly laid back for a 1986 hip hop track & is an essential part of this compilation. Hang on, it is shit ! No !! It's proper good, burrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......

Craftmaster's name sounds like something you would buy from B&Q, but his voice sounds like a cartoon character. Unfortunately I can't remember which cartoon character. Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

Deph Kreation are on some proper Bontempi shit with "John Doe". Equal amounts of "Change The Beat" cuts & the word "crack" dropping all over the shop, cheap & terrible & fucking brilliant. From the legendary (!) "War On Drugs" LP.

DJ Hollywood is an absolute legend, but "Smokin' Jumbos" is a pile of shit. I think he was doing lots of crack when he recorded it, Hollywood has stated "Even when I was cracked out and cold fucked up, niggas would clean me up, so I could rock a party" - Just not this particular party, eh.

If you haven't got the idea yet, Dr Geek is here to let us know that crack is bad for you with "Crack (Bad For You)". Cheers for clearing that up Doc. I'm not sure about his actual medical credentials, but Dr Geek is an interesting dude, look him up, or do something less boring instead.

"Stop! (Before You Get Started)" by Fresh Express is easily one of the best tracks of this whole shit. Everything about this track is amazing, the rappers are hard, the beat is ill, & the way they pronounce the name "Elvis Presley" is fucking incredible.
Yes, I know I said it, but i'm saying it again, this joint is absolutely ridiculous. It's a 45, it's rare, I need it.
Like crack.

Both versions of "Crack It Up" by Funkmaster Wizard Wiz are included here. Wiz was "the first MC to do a pro Crack record" (his words), you should already know the deal with this track, if not, read here.
Here is a snippet -
"I was performing the song ‘Crack It Up’ at a specific show one night – I actually bought some real crack, I actually bought a pipe, and I actually paid someone to stand in the middle of the crowd. When I cued them with a specific word I would say, they would slam the crack into the pipe and light it right there. I would stop the music and point to this individual, they would blow the smoke in the crowd – people thought it was an illusion until they smelt it and seen that it was real crack – and then the show just lit-up from there!"

G Line Corp's "My Face Is All Numb" is the best track to ever be featured on this blog.
Actually, fuck that.
G Line Corp's "My Face Is All Numb" is the best track to ever be featured on the internet.
Not sure what else they did, but they might be these chaps

"Crack Killed Applejack" by General Kane/General Caine has rapping on it, sort of, but it didn't quite fit in with the other shits here, so it isn't here. Look out for part 4...

Genuine's "Crack Busting Mission" has a sticker on the cover which proadly boasts that the disc "Contains The Smash Hit 'Crack Busting Mission'". Crack Busting Mission is the only track.

Gigolo Tony is a repeat Strictly Biz offender. He was all up in the Roxanne Wars, he's here, & he will be on part 3. But more importantly, he made amazing shit like this.

"Crack Kid" by Goldie is the only release by Human Beat Box King Lamont "Kendu" James.

Why do Hands Up sound a bit slow off the mark ?
Because they are the plod !
Yes - "Do Crack Take The Rap" was by a bunch of bloody rozzers.
This quote from an a 1987 interview found here says it all.
"The basic idea of our song is if you want to fool around with cocaine, you'll get caught" said patrol officer Charles 'Pete' Lawrence, 33, who helped write the rap."
Personally I think that if your name is Charles but your nickname is Pete, then crack is the least of your worries.

As far as I know, "Fight The Pipe" was the closest that Jefferson Ink got to an actual rap track. Before they were spitting bars, the brothers from Houston were dropping amazing shit like this....

"Getting Into Crack" by KC & The Whip is only just over a minute long, but it shares an executive producer credit (Fred Lockhart) with "True Bad Boy" by Men Of Respect & that shit's fucking strong style.

Kenzo's "The Pipe" was produced by the original rapper flapper chap - Edwin Birdsong, but more importantly, was released on the Philly based Rap Records label. Yeah, I know that Rap Records is the greatest label name ever, that's probably why there were at least 6 different labels operating under this name. Saying that, there have been at least 16 different Kenzos. (True !)

"Monster Crack" - decent track, as far as Kool Moe Dee's solo shit went anyway, although he does attempt to rhyme "money" with "twenty", but who gives a fuck, Boy George did New Jack Swing.

Mackaronie & The Cold Crush Crew are here with their only release, on the Cold Crush Music label. Nice stuff, but so obscure that I can't find a copy of the entire track. Mack & The Crew are/were from Connecticut (hook me up Wigz) & the record is as rare as fish legs.

Here's a quote from Fat Lace about "Crack Down (On Cracking It Up)" by Marc Love -
"It’s the sole credit for pretty much everyone involved".
Hmmmmm, that pattern has fully emerged & is out in the open for all to see, cool tune though.

"Cracked Out" by Masters Of Ceremony is the tits - that is all.

MC "Mello" De's "Cocaine Blues" makes it to part one (you know the rules !) even though the title alludes to powder, the lyrics are well about white nuggets (mainly anyway).

Call me Slowpoke, but I only recently realised that the hook on "Jane Stop This Crazy Thing" is sampled from The Jetsons. Flavor Flav also attempts to use the phrase on a 2006 track called "Unga Bunga Bunga", which has to be avoided by any means necessary.

Jane's on crack, so is Paula according to MC Shy-D. That crack is rough yo, at one point Paula got so fucked that she lost almost her entire body weight & thought she could run a marathon, but just ended up shitting in the street. Crack is wack people.

MEGA-byTE's name is clearly taking the piss, but he previously went by the much simpler Disco Daddy, who released 1981's "Gigolo Rapp" with Captain Rapp. His "Chasin' The Rock", which is featured here sounds slightly dated, but then it would do wouldn't it. There are lots of interesting related tracks which I am not going to mention, do you own research sissy !

Michael Stewart's "Crack Kills" was borderline for making the cut, it's hip hopibility is fairly questionable, but it's rare so shut up.

"Just Say No (To Drugs)" by New World Music - same as above, but without the "rare" bit.

Ninga feat DJ Spivey's "Crack Attack" is a bit of a rarity here, as it's on a label that you have actually heard of, i.e. Enjoy Records (& produced by Bobby Robinson). Spivey's claim to fame was being a member of the Boo-Dah Bliss Crew alongside Spoonie Gee & Doug E Fresh.

NWA's original version of "Dopeman" makes an appearance here, as the dope being referred to is our old friend freebase cocaine. Ridiculously dope (man), but then you already knew that.

"Crack Attack" by the  Poetry Boys is pretty nice, plus the only photo of the producer (Jeremiah Yisrael) on the entire internet is the one a couple of pics up, so you know it fits lovely into the "obscure rap" section.

Professor Boo - "Crack & Cocaine". I don't know who was on the cymbal, but they sounded strung the fuck out. Too much crack & cocaine..

Public Enemy's "Megablast" is well sparse.
Flavor allegedly spent $5,696,6000 on crack.

Produced & arranged by Wade Marcus, who keeps the horns bumping. "Crackin' Up" by R Justice Allen actually got a UK release, with a picture cover no less. It's not a certified classic by any means, but it was published by Fanny Mac Music, which surely can only be seen as a positive.

From the Moto Citay - "Crack Attack" by Reverend Lowdown & The Ministry Of Rhythm feat The Brimstone Cru is the only release on Busta-Gruve Records. It's also seems to be the only release by Reverend Lowdown, The Ministry Of Rhythm & The Brimstone Cru. Those bloody Beastie's have a lot to answer for.

Another one from Detroit,  Ronnie Gee's "Crackstreet" is pretty blooming dope. Ronnie was involved in some interesting joints.
Go hunt 'em down, some are pricey, but that will mean you haven't got any money left for crack, which is the entire point here. Me & Ronnie have just saved you from a life of hell. No need to thank us, just make a small donation to a local feline based charity. Ithenkyoooou.

RRR Productions - "The Crack Attack". Uh. The rapper is called Robbie Rob. I really have no idea what else to say.

"Drugs" by Simply Deft is fucking iiiiiillllllllll, the label has lots of pretty colours & it's rarer than steak tartare (which may be why it says "Meaty Music" on it).

Splendid Blend is the name of the group & the label (probably), & "Whack Cracks (What Are We Gonna Do)" is a bit of a gem. From Plainfield, New Jersey, home of P-Funk. Here's a shocker - it's a rare record...

Stan-Zoid's "Coke Ain't The Real Thing" is a bit of a winner really. Chunky beats & quality raps, plus DJ Light'in Rich with some tight cuts & beat scratches. Also some singing of terrible lyrics, weird keyboards & Eric Clapton. It was co produced by a Mr Ken Murphy, who had his fingers in some of Roxanne's pies. (Coming soon, pt 4080...).

"The Tragedy (Don't Do It)" is a bit of a monumental track. Several elements of the Superkids track gave life to things that would go on to become fundamental pieces of hip hop culture (look it up brainhead). A thorough investigation of the track's history is absolutely imperative. But this is not the time or place for that, this is the time & place to point out that the former Intelligent Hoodlum, the artist we know & love as Tragedy Khadafi was once known as Percy Tragedy. Percy Faith is a good name, Percy Sledge is better, Percy Sugden is on some Don Dada shit. But Percy Tragedy ?!? Percy Muhfuckin' Tragedy !!! Game over man.

"Get Tough (On Crack)" by Tears Of Joy, aka Manhattan (?) group 2-Nice is bare...
No, not bear...
Don't start that shit again.
Get Tough (On Crack)" by Tears Of Joy, aka Manhattan (?) rapper 2-Nice is bare but bootiful, it could be the perfect four & a half minute anti crack single, but I don't know how to properly work it out scientifically, so we'll all just have to accept the fact that we might never be able to answer that question...
2-Nice also did "Frauds".

The Homeboys' "Drugs" is taken from the forthcoming LP "Shotgun". It was forthcoming in 1987, so i'm guessing that it should probably be with us soon. I for one can't wait.

Right. Take "Moments In Love", combine it with "I Need Love", but put some spin on it like Necro did, & you get "Moments In Drugs". Only that's not what it's called. It's called "Katie's On Crack" & It's by KRD aka The King Royal D, & it's pretty fucking cool. It was released in '89, but actually recorded in '87, which means that it lives here.

"Crack, Crack, Don't Do It" by The Maniacs was produced by Cutmaster DC. It's the B side to "Bum MCs", which may or may not be humourous depending on which side of the Atlantic you dwell.

The Rangers' "Jacks On Crack" may sound familiar to longtime readers, it's been all up in this blogpiece before, due to the legendary Paul C hooking up the drums. CJ Moore gets many a credit on this one, which is to his credit, cos it's dope yah.

"Crack It Up" by The Sundance Kids is listed on Discogs as "Crack It Up/Free Basing" even though the label doesn't actually say that. However, it does say "the other side of time" for reasons which are as of yet unexplained. The track itself is camper than a bumbag full of winkles.

"Motivation" by the Untouchable MC's is a cool track, but it does once again bring up the question - Was there ever an 80's hip hop crew who understood how the apostrophe works ?

"You Gotta Stay Back From Crack" is by Thee Untuchables, who are different from the aforementioned Untouchable MC's, but that doesn't mean that you can touch them. Just the one credit for the crew, but Mark Styles of the cool name/interesting library shits is involved, plus the cuts are by Madcap labelmate Tim Slick, who also has a cool name, & is the current owner of the world's greatest remix titles collection. (See "I Caught Her" B-side).

Tina Jackson's "No To Crack" sounds highly entertaining, from the two snippits that are included here anyway. This track has been stupidly hard to track down, & only one single Discogs member claims to own it. But the truth is out there people, so one of you lovely lot - please send a decent copy this way, so it can be included with an update. Spend A Little - Live A Lot !

Toddy Tee feat Mix Master Spade - "Just Say No"
The debut of Compton pioneer Mixmaster Spade.
I could never put this into mere words, for your own good - please watch this.
I would like to point out that my girlfriend recently commented on the Toddy Tee classic - "Ooh, Batterram, I like this, I used to listen to this all the time", Thus proving the existence of all Gods. For more on "Batterram" see part 4. (seriously).

This next joint is so fucking ill that the B side fell off. It's the Together Brothers with "Get Smart (On The Crack)". Absolutely one of the highlights here, or anywhere for that matter, even though their stuff sounds like it was recorded in a pissy shoebox. The Brothers did some dope tracks that you can't afford.
Strangely enough, their only LP was seemingly engineered by a member of early '90s dance nobs Altern 8

As we know, back in '85 some people were slanging rocks, but this dude was slanging tapes, it's Oakland's looooooooong serving player/pimp/mack/e.t.c. The legendary Too Short with the amazing "Girl (Cocaine)", the first vinyl release on the 75 Girls label. This was the Short Dog's first actual studio recording & was featured on the Don't Stop Rappin' LP.

If we can take one thing from "High Rollin' - Drug Abuse" by Torrid, it would be that tooting crack makes you look like a scallywag. Oh, & that producer Len Jewell did some lovely tracks that you also can't afford.

Tretch Material surprisingly enough only ever released one track, titled "Don't Think About Drugs" & another one from the War On Drugs LP, so it's also presumably from Connecticut, so shout out once again to my partner in rhyme Chestwigz, chilling in the Nutmeg State.

True Life's "Cocaine Crack (You Might Not Make It Back)" is a bit interesting. The Bomb Squad's Eric "Vietnam" Sadler is credited as the producer, but he says that it was actually produced by an ex fuzz named W Blunt II. One of the MCs later released The Brain On Drugz EP on Tuff City under the name Da Bandit, with his friend who is known as Boodah. I can not confirm if these are the names on their birth certificates.

One of the rappers on "You Should Know To Say No" by TSG is called Dwayne Johnson. Bearing the theme of this compilation in mind, if he turns out to be The Rock I will absolutely piss !

"Crack Addict" by the Tuf MCs is a bit mysterious. Released on the New York based Sweet Georgia Peach (obscure & expensive), there is definitely some Brit action kicking off, but I have no idea who by. So, if any of you can fill in the gaps, contact us at the usual address & you may win a prize. Probably not though.

Turning Point's "Life Is Fresh/Crack Is Wack" is the solitary release on the Life Is Fresh Inc label, sounds about right. The gimmick with this 'un is that the two MCs (Dale Anderson & Tee Johnson) are both former jumbo puffers. The sleeve says this -
"This record is dedicated to our nation's young people. It is our hope that it will help them to better understanding and "say no" to the peer pressures and temptations of drugs, particualary "CRACK".
In all to many instances alcoholism and drug abuse has infiltrated our schools and homes, an evil that can only be rectified through education.
Tee and Dale battled this evil and have overcome it. Their experiences and horrible suffering while addicted to drugs are reflected in this musical message, but it also contains the hope that others can be rescued from the powerful seduction and the deadly hold of "CRACK".
All proceeds from the sale of this record will go to alcohol and drug abuse prevention, education and rehabilitation programs.
If we save anyone from the life-shattering menace of "CRACK", this musical message will have done its job. Thank you for your support."
Word 'em up. Keep on keeping off Dale & Tee !

Twin B's "Grim Reaper" is both low quality & high quality at the same time, so when you have a track that seems to defy the laws of the universe, you know you should probably give it a listen.
For a minute.
Plus the fact that Twin B did stuff with Disco Beave, & Disco Beave is Servin' !
Anyway, "Grim Reaper". Nice track, but a little bit long. You may agree if you dare to venture beyond the 5 minute mark...

"Basepipe (It's Not Your Friend)" by Vansilk & Afrika Islam has taught mankind two important lessons.
1 - Don't smoke crack.
2 - Van Silk really should have released more tunage.

"Put The Pipe Down" - Damn right. If you happen to come across a record with the name West Coast Crew on it, best you buy (or steal) it. Partly cos their shit is dope, partly cos they have a member called Willie Lemon aka Lemon-Lime.

And finally we have Your Brother with "Get Ready Devil It's Your Turn To Catch Some Hell" - The lyrics state that crack "Turns You Into An Ugly Witch".
Nope, i've had enough now, bugger off.
And you can stick that in your pipe & smoke it !

Strictly Business present -
Strictly Crack (Is Wack) pt1

2 Fresh - Crackdown
450 - The Rock
AC Posse - Tragic Magic
Ace Lord Chillers - Living In A Cracktown
A'lan 'The Fox' Bennett - Rocks
Audio Source - Stop Cracking
Bipo - Crack Is Wack
Boogie Down Productions - Say No Brother (Crack Attack - Don't Do It)
Bottomline - The Pipe
C.O.B. (Crusaders Of Bass) - Don't Put The Bubble In The Pipe
Conniosseurs Of Groove - Free-Base City
Cool J Watt - Crack's Not Where It's At
Cool Tauras Lover - Free Baseing
Craftmaster - The Crack Attack
Daveon - Don't Do It
Deph Kreation - John Doe
DJ Hollywood - Smokin' Jumbos
Don Juan - The Pipe
Dr Geek - Crack (Bad For You)
Dr Ti - Crack!
Eniqueity - Crack, Don't Do It
Fresh Express - Stop! (Before You Get Started)
Freshin' Fli - Crack City
Funkmaster Wizard Wiz - Crack It Up
Funkmaster Wizard Wiz - Crack It Up (You Better Not)
G Line Corp - My Face Is All Numb
Genuine - Crack Busting Mission
Gigolo Tony - I Am Crack Cocaine
Goldie - Crack Kid
Hands-Up - Do Crack Take The Rap
Jefferson Ink - Fight The Pipe
KC & The Whip - Getting Into Crack
Kenzo - The Pipe
Kingdom - The Base Is In Your Face
Kool Moe Dee - Monster Crack
M-4 Sers - Crack Is Wack
Mackaronie & The Cold Crush Crew - Crack Down
Marc Love - Crack Down (On Cracking It Up)
Masters Of Ceremony - Cracked Out
MC Mello De - Cocaine Blues
MC Shan - Jane Stop This Crazy Thing
MC Shy-D - Paula's On Crack
MEGA-byTE - Chasin' The Rock
Michael Stewart - Crack Kills
New World Music - Just Say No (To Drugs)
Ninga feat DJ Spivey - Crack Attack
NWA - Dope Man
Pazazzz ! ! - Crack Attack (Say No!)
Poetry Boys - The Crack Attack
Professor Boo - Crack & Cocaine
Public Enemy - Megablast
R Justice Allen - Crackin' Up
Rennie Ren - Brother To Brother Stop Smoking!
Reverend Lowdown & The Ministry Of Rhythm feat The Brimstone Cru - Crack Attack
Ronnie Gee - Crack Street
RRR Productions - The Crack Attack
Simply Deft - Drugs
Splendid Blend - Whack Cracks (What Are We Gonna Do)
Stan-Zoid - Coke Ain't The Real Thing
Super Kids - The Tragedy (Don't Do It)
Tears Of Joy - Get Tough (On Crack)
The Hit Hard Crew - Doin' Drugs
The Homeboys - Drugs
The King Royal D - Katie's On Crack
The Maniacs - Crack, Crack, Don't Do It
The Rangers - Jack's On Crack
The Sundance Kids - Crack It Up
The Untouchable MCs - Motivation
Thee Untuchables feat Mark Anthony - You Gotta Stay Back From Crack
Tina Jackson - No To Crack
Toddy Tee feat Mix Master Spade - Just Say No
Together Brothers - Get Smart (On The Crack)
Too Short - Girl (Cocaine)
Torrid - High Rollin' – Drug Abuse
Tretch Material - Don't Think About Drugs
True Life - Cocaine Crack (You Might Not Make It Back)
TSG - You Should Know To Say No
Tuf MCs - Crack Addict
Turning Point - Life Is Fresh, Crack Is Wack
Twin B - Grim Reaper
Vansilk feat Afrika Islam - Basepipe (It's Not Your Friend)
West Coast Crew - Put The Pipe Down
Your Brother - Get Ready Devil It's Your Turn To Catch Some Hell

Password - defandstupid

These are the tracks that we were unable to include.
If you have them, or anything that we missed, send them this way for future updates.

Rhyme Master Mr Spice & The Chosen Few - No Crack
Demetrius BKA Dollar Bill - Cocaine Blues
The Rappin' Reverend Dr C Dexter Wise III - Crack Attack
Lord C & Lord Dis - Crack Won't Make It Right
Pupa Curly – Crack Is A Killer
LG Luv & The Krew - Crack
The Bad Street Boys – No Fumes Ese Crack/Don't Smoke That Crack
Rappin Rudy - Turn Your Back On "Crack Cocaine" (Rudy Ray Moore!)

& a better version of Tina Jackson - No To Crack

Well, a better version of most of the tracks really.

If you would like to purchase a Strictly Business thong, please visit this site.

That's part one done son.
Part two soon.
Crack is still wack...

Shout outs.
Chestwigz, Skar, 157, LuCipher, my brothers Friendly & Sonny, Reepster & ABU crew, Myk Apache, Patti A & Stormy, the V.I.U. lot -  Nikki, Robin, not Hoodoo Doreen, Waxer, Drew Hoooge, Mic Nitro, GringoKid, Tyni & Black Belt, Sav Hen, Denty, EveR, Breazy, Vinnie Vaga, MonoX & Breakz, all Strictly crew, E.C.O. crew, Lili Love & The Cats, Critical, Jake, Hippy Hippy Hips, Barney PritStik, my dude Lenny up the coast, Wigz again, TnF, My dude War way up in North Crooks, The C.H.E.F, that bloke who walks about swinging his arms, Georgie Boy in the area, MC G & all The Phukkin' Kuntz obviously, Internet peeps who make shit like this possible, G Line Corp, Fresh Express, The Ace Lord Chillers & all the others who made shit like this still fun, record sellers & buyers, trainer sellers & buyers, Jay Tee, Barry & Herbert, Mystery Chefs, Hiroshima Twinky, Cecil Slinger, Wrong Speed Hairy Palms, The Phantom Lagger, Snoopy...

"Inhale, Exhale, You Don't Care - Coke Smoke Only, No Fresh Air""

Tuesday, 22 December 2015

Strictly (Christmas) Gems

I'm Deaf Geoff.
The Strictly Business crew have disappeared, so i've stolen their web piece.
I can't actually hear anything, but I can feel the vibrations.
Hip hop is good for this, it feels lovely.
None of these songs have anything to do with Christmas, but that doesn't matter, I can't hear them.
I would say more, but I have to find MC G.
He still owes me four quid.
If anyone sees Ric Flair, tell him to go home, his Ovaltine is getting cold.


Strictly Business presents -
Strictly (Christmas) Gems pt1

2 Tough MC - Lets Rock
3rd Bass - Sons Of 3rd Bass
AG - All Eye Seeing
Bizzie Boyz - Turntable Terrorizer
De La Soul - Oodles Of Os
Divine Force - My Uptown Beat
Fresh Force - Oh Sally
Gangstarr - I'm The Man
Gravediggaz - Deathtrap
King Sun - Sippin' Brandy
King T feat Ice Cube & MC Breeze - Played Like A Piano
Latee - No Tricks
MC Crash - Life On The Street
MC Mell'O' - Bizzie Rhymin
Organized Konfusion - Why
Poor Righteous Teachers - Strictly Ghetto
Radiance - The Micstro
Sadat X feat Deda - Escape From New York
Sir Beans OBE feat Def Tex - How Would You Put This
Smoove Matty Matt - Rapping Wrestling
The Beatnuts - Let Off A Couple
The New Style - Droppin' The Bomb
Ultramagnetic MCs - Pluckin' Cards

Strictly Business presents -
Strictly (Christmas) Gems pt2

Artifacts - Whassup Now Muthafucka
Black, Rock & Ron - It's Raw
Breeze - Pull A Fast One
Disco Twins & Starchild - There It Is!
Eazy E - Eazy Street
Gauge The Mental Murderah feat The Cella Dwellas - Cranium
Group Home - Supa Dupa Star
KMD feat Brand Nubian & Busta Rhymes - Nitty Gritty (Dog Spelled Backwards Mix)
Little 7 & Hass-C-B - Sneakers
Lord Finesse - You Know What Im About
MC Lyte - 10% Diss
MC Zakey - MC Zakey's Warning
Most Wanted - Good Old Days
Mr Wave - The King
Pete Rock & CL Smooth - For Pete's Sake
Pookey Blow - Get Up (And Go to School)
Queen Latifah - Wrath Of My Madness
Rammellzee - All We Got Is The Funky Beat
Showbiz & AG feat Big L, D-Shawn & Lord Finesse - Represent
The B-Boys - Stick Up Kids
The Sinisters Of Sound - The Boy Is Fierce
Traedonya - The Boogaloo
Tuff Crew - Detonator

Strictly Business presents -
Strictly (Christmas) Gems pt3

Above The Law - Just Kickin' Lyrics
Big Daddy Kane - Somethin' Funky
Busy Boys - That's The Flavor
Divine Force - The Jizer
EPMD - Chill
Grandmaster Caz - I'm Caz
Heavy D & The Boyz - It's A New Day
Kay D & DJ Stash - My Rhythm Is Kept
Kool G Rap feat Nas - Fast Life (Norfside Mix)
Kurious - Tear Shit Up
LL Cool J - Go Cut Creator Go
Low Profile - Aladdin's On A Rampage
MC Shan - I Pioneered This
Missy Dee & The Melody Crew - Missy Missy Dee
Nubian Crackers feat Artifacts - Do You Wanna Hear It
Pete Rock & CL Smooth - What's Next On The Menu
Raheem - I'm the King
Show & AG feat Diamond D - Still Diggin'
Tha Alkaholiks - Read My Lips
The Notorious B.I.G. - Who Shot Ya
Top Priority feat Percee P - Let The Homocides Begin
Two Kings In A Cipher - Definition Of A King
Von Love - Brain Stormin'

Strictly Business presents -
Strictly (Christmas) Gems pt4

Action Bronson - 9-24-11
Big Lady K - Don't Get Me Started (Stuff & Thangs Version)
Company Flow - End 2 End Burners
DJ EFN ft Your Old Droog, Royce The 5' 9, Reks & OC - Revolutionary Ride Music (K-Def Remix)
DJ Romeo & Everlovin' MCs - Revenge : We're Not Sucker MCs
Finesse & Synquis - Fatal Beauty
Grandmaster Caz - You Need Stitches
Grandmaster Melle Mel & The Furious 5 - Piano
Hostyle - Keep On Movin'
IBM Nation - Brainiac
Kazi - A.V.E.R.A.G.E
Lakim Shabazz - Pure Righteousness
M.F. Doom - Vomitspit
OC - Jewelz
Pete Rock feat Roc Marciano & Trife - Give It To Y'all
Pre Sweet - In Effect
Raekwon feat Ghostface Killah & Polite - Missing Watch
Sha Quan - Don't Fess
She Rockers - Give It A Rest
Sir Ibu Of Divine Force - I'm The Peacemaker
The Chosen Ones - You Got The Key
Three Times Dope - From Da Giddy Up
Urban Thermo Dynamics - My Kung Fu

Strictly Business presents -
Strictly (Christmas) Gems pt5

50 Cent - How To Rob
C.O.B. (Crusaders Of Bass) - Def Vibration
Cold Crushin' Crew - Power Of Rock
DJ Magic Ray & The Undefeated Three - Unity Rap
Dr Luv & Key-Ski - Overdose
ESP - Wild Thing
Ghostface Killah - Gorilla Hood
Izod & Bizzy Bee - I Ain't Takin' No Stuff
JDTR - Human Cold
Jeru The Damaja - My Mind Spray
Master Bilal & MC Brain - Deadly & Dangerous
MOP feat Gangstarr - Salute Pt II
Point Blank MC's - Hard To The Body
Positive-K feat Milk-D & MC Lyte - Start It Up Y'all
Sir Mix-A-Lot - Posse On Broadway
Speedy G - DJ Tiz - Get Down
Strictly Def - Jersey This Is Dope
The Lord Shafiyq - Rhymes On My Mind
The UN - Game Of Death
Three The Hard Way feat White Flash - Hyped
TJ Swann & Peewee Mel And Swann Controllers - Maximus Party
True Hustlers - Mental Midgets Gotta Go
World Renown - How Nice I Am

Password - defandstupid

P.S. - This may or may not be the 2015 Strictly Business Christmas compilation.

"Switch over to the right hand or back to the left
See, whichever one I use, yo, it still spells def"

Wednesday, 1 July 2015

Strictly Mobbin'

Blimey - hot innit.
What's that you say ?
You done thought that Strictly Biz was did ???
Naaah son, we just been a bit on the busy side.
You know - living life & all that.
But once again we are (ahem) Back In Business (Yet again ™)
So, first things first m̶a̶n̶,̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶f̶u̶c̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶s̶t̶,
Uh, no, not that.
So, first things first, peep your eyepieces at this bugger.

Our Finsbury Park associates are doing a do.
You lot better go.
It's not like you have anything better to do now is it ?!?
Grab some orange radiation, get pissy & listen to that rap shit.
Same boom bap time (from noon onwards) - Same boom bap channel (The Silver Bullet).
So - G̶e̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶a̶r̶s̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶M̶a̶r̶s̶ ̶-̶ ̶G̶e̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶a̶r̶s̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶M̶a̶r̶s̶ ̶-̶ ̶G̶e̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶a̶r̶s̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶M̶a̶r̶s̶. Get your arse to the Silver Bullet. Yuh heard.
Yeah - other hip hop crews may be operating events on the same day, but if it doesn't say Strictly Business on the label then its...
And speaking of Strictly Business on the label, them mens called Tyni & Black Belt Jonez have got a lovely slab of plastic for you to spend your old slag's heads on.
You like records - right ?
You like hip hop - right ??
You'd spend your money on something wack if you didn't buy this - right ???
So, it;s probably best for everybody if you get the bollicking frig over to B-Line Recordings right now & cop that shit.
Go on then.

Well done, you done good.
Now, as an extra special treat, you can have a look at some incredible trousers.

Fucking amazing aren't they.
I have no idea who the Bobob Marlrley twins are, but their clothing range is the shit son.

Oh, one more thing...
Do you recognise anybody in this photo ???

Well, some of those dudes were known as TDS Mob.
They were from Boston (not the one near Skegness)
They were bloody good.
The MC was called Kool Gee.
He was bloody good.
Here are some tunes.
Bloody good.

Strictly Business present -

TDS Mob - Bounce
TDS Mob - Crushin' Em
TDS Mob - Dope For The Folks
TDS Mob - Head Of The Dope Committee
TDS Mob - TDS Scratch Reaction
TDS Mob - The Rhyme You're About To Hear Is True
TDS Mob - What's This World Coming To

Password - defandstupid

That's that then.
Come back soon, we have some stuff for yuh.

"Nobody's A Factor, Run You Over Like A Tractor"

Monday, 22 December 2014

Strictly Christmas 2014

A Ram-Pa-Pam-Pam !

Once Again - It's Strictly Christmas !!!

Some of you may well have noticed by now that the Strictly Biz crew usually be dropping gifts down your chimneys around about this time of year.
This is true.
And even though Old Father Flair has heard that a few (or most) of you have been bad boys & girls.
But this is the world of boom baps where bad means good.
So, rather than spending days trying to decide how that would work, I think it's probably best to just let you all in on the Christmas cheer.
Then, those of you who feel undeserving of the merriment, due to your terrible doings in 2014, can do the right thing & delete these joints the instant you access them, then listen to Coldplay until you turn into a puddle.

OK, now we can proceed with the festivities.

Here at the Strictly Business HQ we are all about the love.
But we know that it's pretty rare for us to deal with the smoother moments in life.

We like shit hard.

Hard beats - hard rhymes - HardNoise - hard boiled - hard nips - hard to earn - e.t.c...

But we can't all be mean mugging & thugging 24/7 can we now.

This is the time to spread love & spend time with the people you want to be with.
So, even though we all love those classic festive joints from previous volumes of Strictly Christmas, a sense of occasion is rather necessary.
As soon as Christmas eve hits & all the hectic bullshit is done & dusted, crack open the special shit & smooth the fuck out to this year's seasonal selection.

The first part is crammed with legendary voices making all those songs that fuck with our heads all December sound nice again.
The second part is another seasonal reggae selection with some lovely spins on those festive standards.
Once again, the point of these particular selections is to offer an antidote to Christmas music.

As I type this, there is yet another clips show on TV filled with nobcockles yakking on about fucking Fairytale Of New York again.
I'm not dissing that track, it's cool & stuff.

But is it as good as James Brown's "Soulful Christmas" ???

Is it fuck.

So there ain't no Slade or Shakey here, this selection is fresher than a Fanny Craddock trifle.

Well, in all fairness, most things are fresher than a Fanny Craddock trifle.
Fanny's trifles are good for up to three weeks or more.

What ?

Three weeks ??

A trifle ???

That really can't be good for your eyebrows !

Oh dear, Flair's gone off on one again.
Nobody knows what the fuck i'm talking about.
Should probably get to the music then.

Strictly Business presents -
Strictly Christmas 2014 pt1

Booker T & The MGs - Jingle Bells
Carla Thomas - Gee Whiz, It's Christmas
Charles Bradley - Everyday Is Christmas (When I'm Lovin' You)
Diplomats Of Solid Sound feat The Diplomettes - Let It Snow
Donny Hathaway - This Christmas
Freddie King - I Hear Jingle Bells
Honey & The Bees - Jing Jing A Ling
Ike & Tina Turner - Merry Christmas Baby
Isaac Hayes - Mistletoe & Me
JD McDonald - Boogaloo Santa Claus
Jimmy Jules & The Nuclear Soul System - Xmas Done Got Funky
Jimmy McGriff - Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town/White Christmas
Jimmy Reed - Christmas Present Blues
Lou Rawls - Little Drummer Boy
Marvin Gaye - I Want To Come Home For Christmas
Otis Redding - Merry Christmas, Baby
Solomon Burke - Presents For Christmas
Sound On Sound Productions - Season's Greetings
Stevie Wonder - That's What Christmas Means To Me
The Emotions - Black Christmas
The Gems feat Minnie Ripperton - Love For Christmas
The Jackson 5 - Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town
The Ohio Players - Happy Holidays pts 1 & 2
The Olympic Cyclone Band - Jingle Bells
The Rotary Connection - Christmas Child
The Salem Travelers - Letter For Christmas
The Temptations - Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer
Wild Honey - Angel's Christmas
William Bell - Everyday Will Be Like A Holiday
Zebra - Christmas Morning

Strictly Business presents -
Strictly Christmas 2014 pt2

Alton Ellis & The Flames - Praise Jah It's Christmas
Anthony Selassie - Rub A Dub Christmas
Assassin - Christmas Is Here
Barrington Levy - One Christmas Day
Bounty Killer - Falling Angel
Brent Dowe - Christmas In Jamaica
Cutty Ranks - Cutty's Christmas Time
Delroy Melody - Christmas Time
Elephant Man - Bad Man Christmas
General Trees - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town
Hortense Ellis - Santa Is Black
Iron Phoenix - Natty Dread Christmas
Jacob Miller & Ray I - All I Want For Ismas
John Holt - Winter World Of Love
Johnny Clarke - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
Johnny Osbourne - Christmas Stylee
King Kong - Nice Christmas
King Stitt - Christmas Tree
Kulcha Knox - Ho Ho Ho (Never Step A Foot Inna Me Yard)
Little John & Tristan Palmer - It's Christmas Time/Oh Holy Night
Mikey Jarrett - Santa Claus Is Black
Nitty Gritty - We Three Kings
Phillip Fraser - The Lord Will Provide
Ranking Ringo - Never Forget Christmas
Red Fox - Christmas Fever
Robert Ffrench - Have A Merry Christmas
Steve Golding - Strictly Rockers Christmas
The Silvertones - Real Christmas Rock
Trinity - Santa Claus Comes Once A Year
Tyrone Evans - God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

Password - defandstupid

Cool ?
Cool !

While you were reading that I ate 87 mince pies & I feel much better now.
So before I hit the sleigh I should probably point out that the previous volumes of Strictly Christmas are once again back in business, you know we bring the cheer, ya hear.
So, if you missed those, you can find them here-> ho ho ho.

OK, now you are all good, I need to get my shit sorted, so love to all, keep peeping these pages, some proper tasty treaters coming in 2014.....
And to all those out there who have contacted us regarding previous posts, everything will be back online early next year, keep it locked right here. Strictly Business.

Peace to Chestwigz, Repo & Waxer, Uncle Mic Nitro, King Tut, Myk Apache, Captain Black, Mutt & Shrunkeneye, SupaBadBenz, George Gweilo & Kimberly Drummond (not their birth names), Tyni & Black Belt, & the Strictly Business family.

And on a final note, for those we lost in 2014, we love you & we will never forget you.


"All I Want For Christmas Is The Collie Herb"

Tuesday, 9 December 2014

Strictly Rub A Dub

Yeah yeah, I know. I'm shit. Sorry.
Strictly Business has been very much on the DL in 2014, & it's pretty much down to your boy Flair getting distracted by various stuff & thangs.
I would say that I was letting the side down, but I think it's fair to say that the entire crew have been rather lacking in productivity, so Flair is the most active member by default.
We have got a lot of goodies in the pipeline, but I know that doesn't mean much to you impatient interwebbers.
So, rather than wasting everybody's time babbling on about what we haven't done, we're gonna babble on about something that actually exists.
Strictly Rub A Dub.

What do you all fiend for around this time of year ?
Turkey ?  Nah, we get dry birds all year round.
Egg Nog ?  Well, we luh the nog, but baint no egg in it.
Cranberries ?  You are a cranberry.
£15 new release DVD that will be 20p in Cash Converters next month.  Obviously not.
Reggae ?  Fuck yes.
Cool, we got there in the end.

Is that strictly traditional I hear you ask ???
Well, that kinda depends on a number of things that I am not prepared to go into at the moment.
So, let's just say yes !
Reggae is an important yuletide tradition, & Flair for one is not gonna fuck with that.
Most other traditions can lick the balls, but reggae at Christmas is the gift that keeps on giving, so Strictly Biz is here to save the day.
I should probably state that none of the included tracks have anything to do with Christmas, been there, fucked that.
What we are bringing the cheer with is just pure musical niceness, however, if any of you out there haven't been nice boys & girls then you are strictly forbidden to even read any further.
Go away you nasty little buggers.

OK, now we just have the well behaved with us I feel I can continue.
Reggae oh reggae, a much misunderstood creature.
I know a lot of heads out there aren't really feeling the jamaican vibes, but just how deep are you prepared to dig ???
If I had never heard hip hop before, & some bod played me some Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, Kanye, e.t.c. Then I would have the opinion that hip hop was the most horrendous form of torture imaginable.
But then again, I don't recognise that pop rap shit as hip hop anyway, but you get the jist.
As with all musical forms, you have to dig through the massive piles of shit to find the gems.
And it's only the proper diggers that are prepared to get shitty fingers.
So once again, peoples champions that we are, the Strictly Biz crew have done did the dirty work for you. What we have here are some of the illest reggae joints known to mankind, ranging from around the mid '70s to the mid '80s, selected by Flair, with a bit of help from my boy Friendly.
Mostly DeeJay tracks, cos that's my shit, but there are a few killer singers in there too.
Dope lyrics all the way, some classic riddims, a bit of digi, plus a few samples along the way that the hippety hoppers might recognise.

No time for one of Flair's (pffftt) entertaining write ups this time around, i'm currently typing this under a bridge using a local pub's wi-fi, due to my house being full of vinyl & cats.
It's cool though, i've put a bit of tinsel up down here.
I've got more important things to do anyway, like watching every episode of Patrick's Pantry.
So whilst I do just that, you lot can have a look at this here list...

Strictly Business presents -
Strictly Rub A Dub pt1

Arena - Knatt Up Them Head
Big Joe - Smoke Marijuana
Brigadier Jerry - Strictly Rub A Dub
Captain Sinbad - Electric Boogie
Charlie Chaplin - Naw Leave Me Chalwa
Clint Eastwood & General Saint - What About Right Oink
Dignitary Stylish - Jah Send Me Come
Early B - DJ Pattern
Jah Batta - Informa Watch It
Jah Woosh - Lick Him In The Dustbin
Johnny Ringo - Sensimelia
Junior Parker - Taxman
Lee Van Cleef - Dread At The Controls
Lone Ranger - Walk Man Connection
Massive Dread - Right Time Come
Michael Palmer - Smoke The Weed aka Don't Smoke The Seed
Papa Finnigan & Jr Ranking - Step Ina Dance
Papa Michigan & General Smiley - Ghetto Man
Papa Tullo - Lightnin Frizz & Thunder Kick
Peter Ranking & General Lucky - Give We Dis
Prince Mohammed - Some Like It Hot
Purpleman - Sandra Lee Buy A Big House For Me
Ranking Joe - All Over The World
Ranking Toyan - Toyan On The Go
Rexton Gordon aka Co Pilot aka Shabba Ranks - Heat Under Sufferers Feet
Sassafrass - Yorkshire Ripper
Super Cat - Vine Yard Party
Tonto Irie - General A General
U Brown - Party In Full Swing
Welton Irie - Me Neat Me Sweet

Strictly Business presents -
Strictly Rub A Dub pt2

Asher Senator - Jah Me Right
Bingy Bunny - Me & Jane
Burro Banton - Better Than The Rest
Carlton Livingston - 100 Weight Of Collie Weed
Chicken Chest - Ragamuffin Selector
Daddy Freddy - Lyric Champion
Don Carlos - Lazer Beam
Flick Wilson & The Roots Radics Band - Slave Master
Jah Thomas - Friday Night Jambaree
John Wayne - Murder Style
Josey Wales - Stalk Of Sensimillia
Karl Matthews - Kat Slater
Leo Graham - Three Blind Mice
Louie Lepkie - Return Of The Champion
Mellow Yellow & Young Ranks - Back Off
Nicodemus - Five A Dem Trax aka Shaolin Plot
Papa Keeble aka Nicodemus Jr - Feeling Happy
Papa San - Concept
Peter Metro - Ribibibung Skens
Prince Jazzbo - Croaking Lizard
Puddy Roots - You Think I Wouldn't Hold You
Ranking Dread - Jean Green
Ranking Superstar aka Ranking Trevor - Red & Dread
Rappa Robert - Disaster
Roy Ranking & Raymond Naptali - Hip Rub
Sugar Minott - International Herb
Tipper Lee & Johnny Slaughter - Warn Them
Trinity - Mini Skirt
Wayne Smith - E20
Yellowman - Wreck A Pum Pum

Password - defandstupid

As I previously stated, can't say stuff - gotta do stuff.
However, I would like to just say one thing about Charlie Chaplin's chalice though.
It took him a whole day to light it !
Holy fucking molehills, how much was in it Charlie ?
How long did it keep blazing for when you eventually got it sparked ??
Did you just have a dodgy lighter ???
Answers on a postcard to the usual address Mr Chaplin (if that is your real name).

Oh yeah, one more thing. Lone Ranger is quite possibly the greatest person to ever touch a mic.
That is all.
Ahh, but is it ?!?
Naaah son, we're not quite done yet, a little something something else will happen before the 25th.
Then next year, the large Puzzle Fighter gems will be rocking !

So, on that bombshell, i'm outta here like Diamond D when he rocked that Flaming Ember shit.
Peace to Benz, keep those SupaBadSounds rolling my man.

"Him Have Him Weak Spot Inna Him Diamond Socks"

Friday, 4 July 2014

Strictly Space Mountain

Well howdily doodily neighborinos, yeah, we know - we know, it's been rather quiet round these parts recently, but we're not ugly people, in fact the Strictly Biz famalam were recently voted "Best Looking Hip Hop Crew" at the recent Swaffham Fayre, & although we had to cut our rosette up into pieces (so we could share it, but also as a protest against the state of some of those cabbages, smack 'em Rae), we will always wear those tiny fragments with equal pride & fury.
Hmmmm, yuh bwoy Flair appears to have gone off track a wee bit, maybe I shouldn't be typing this shit when it's late & i've got my proper drowzzz on, but a lot of the hippety hop blogheads have been very sshhh sshhh so far this year, so the Strictly Biz squad just wanted to point out that we are very much (ahem) Still In Business !
Hear me now star !
As we already know, sunshine plays a major part in the daytime, & around this time of year the SB unit usually like to drop a summertime special on your collective melons, 2013's Strictly Hot, & 2012's Strictly Summer Series.
What does that say to you about Strictly B Summer compilations ?
There's too many of them ?
That's one way of looking at it, another way of looking at it is, people like them, let's make some more of them.
Well, that's & well & good in theory, but that would involve trying to remember another bunch of summer related joints, & although I could word an explanation in many ways, I would rather just make the noise "Chooooft" & give you something else, something which is not summer related, but will still blow the bloodclaaat bollocks outta your barbeque.
Lawd 'a' mercy !
Do you wanna ride Space Mountain ?
I won't bore you with the formula, but the following tracks are all linked in some way or another & certain tunes are included to represent members of the Strictly Business crew, in all honesty I just wanted to sling out a quickie that would involve me leaving my chair as little as possible.
At the moment the whole crew have a pie on every finger, so rest assured that we have a whole heap of jewels to drop very soon, & the next piece that we're about to drop on this here site is morbidly obese, but that is the then & this is the now, so let's do this thing.
Space Mountain may be the oldest ride in the park, but it has the longest line, abso-bloody-exactly, so with that in mind I think that I should point out that to be the Nan, you've gotta beat the Nan.
Now that's clear, let's get down to Business.
Blogger's being a bit of a pisser at the minute, so let's have some nice pics first.

All the big names are here, Jimmy Van & Richard Hieronymus, Maggie Thrett, Martin Galway, Private Party, The Spotnicks, McCoy Tyner............ Absolute legends - i'm sure you'll agree.
What ?
WHAT ???
Yeah, I know, well what the fuck do you want, Bruno Brookes ? If nothing else, this here selection could be seen as a representation of Mr Flair's daily listening habits, maybe I should do one every day ! Pffffttt.
Or as I previously said, an obscure representation of the Strictly sound squad.
Or probably more than anything a representation of Ricardo La Rock's complete shitness at actually doing stuff he should be doing.
Ner-ner-ner-nerner, I don't care, there's a thin line between batty & punanny & I suffer from vertigo (fact) but I don't have a photo of a hunchback in my pocket (another fact), Lu Cipher is now a cyborg from the neck up, Chestwigz is the new Cracker J, DJ Friendly (allegedly) resembles a rounder headed version of Shockwave The Robot in an attempt to protect himself from Babylon, Sonny D does the washing up in pink Marigolds & cycling shorts, MonoXcyde is now OxyGareth, Breakz & Vagabond snapped each others arms off in a game of thumb war - but they're not bandits, Jim Breaze is still a prisoner of war, EveR now owns the most powerful computer on the planet, but he is still struggling to find the on button (there are only actually 7 of these machines in existence, the other 6 are owned by Tony Curtis), Rhymeswine is currently...........
Um, sorry, old Flair-O has gone a bit off track, again.
Probably best to actually really properly get down to Business.
This compilation is nice.
There I said it.
There is all kinds of interesting stuff here, the UK is well represented, there's a Commodore 64 banger, a mad Frenchman, some Tommy Boy 12" greatness, Tom Jones just being straight fucking ill, drummy drum drums, The Erasure-Cosmo connection, Tracy Barlow blam blamming, things that people think are other things but they aren't, things that people think are other things but they are, Kool Keith actually rhyming rhymes, more drums, & some other things that I can't be bothered to think of.
Oh yah, & shout to my man Apache Throwdown on this little cashew nut, there is a handful of (gasp) recent (gasp again) hip hop tracks that are (gaaaaaaaaaasp) not shit, in fact they are bloody dope. Well, recentish, but then I still think the '90s was only a couple of years ago.
I don't really wanna get the old rant steez a gwan again, but if you are one of these people who claim to be an old school hip head but thinks that hip hop died in the early 90s then piss the piss off. You slept on Black Moon because you were listening to Blur because hip hop wasn't fashionable any more, fucking dicknobs.
I said I wasn't gonna rant, bugger, never mind, if you have read this far then you may well have as many issues as me.....
Of Big Daddy magazine !
See what I did there, I smoothly slipped in another Partridge reference, whilst cleverly altering the punchline to suit the "style" of this beautifully written piece.
Oh hang on, I meant to say ->
See what I did there, I lazily bit another line whilst repeatedly making a twanny of myself.
Here's a thought......
Oh how painful is must be to create your own Wikipedia page only to have it deleted because you are full of shit & nobody has ever heard of you except for yourself. Ouch.
Sorry, didn't mean to think out loud.
I must wholeheartedly apologise to all members & associates of Strictly Business for my self indulgent unprofessionalism, hang on - don't professionals get paid ?!?
OK, my self indulgent amateurism then, well, I should be sunning myself on Ganryujima Island right now, but instead i'm tapping my bloodied fingers away just to bring a little bit of happiness to the die hard hardcore core readers of this humble interblog.
What ?
Bah, not again.
You say nobody's reading ???
Who said that then ?
Shit, start typing again quickly Flair-Ski, before the voices take over.
Ah, that's much better.
It's not the voices, I just left the telly on downstairs.
Back to Business (again). A bit mo' about those tracks -
Yes - Kane was was able to rock Atomic Dog beats in '93 when you all said he had fallen off & still sound dope.
No - 4-Ever Fresh is not Public Enemy, & Johnny Juice does not currently live with Rod Hull's Emu & all his offspring. Go Philly.
Yes - That Dirty Dike joint is nice, but Stig, "bring a gram of weed in" ?!? Yeah right, that's a Cell Block H single skin you lightweight.
No - Egyptian Lover did not always rock 120+ bpm beats.
Yes - Can I Get A Soul Clapp should have 2 Ps, it should also say "Fresh Out The Pack", let's just put it down to being tired & emotional, at least I know how to spell the word Romantic.
No - It's not Acieeeeed, but Ice's bassline is a 303 on some fly Terminator shit. I have no idea who King Fantastic is, but his shit sounds like a ZX Spectrum loading.
Yes - Rickity Flair is aware that I Weigh With Kilos is actually called Ten Is The Number - Kilos. Glaring error there, er, tired & emotional.
No - J-Live is not for hipster backpack moccasin sissies, dude is one of the nicest of all time, buy everything he has made now.
Yes - Maggie Thrett was fly & she definitely should have recorded more music.
No - That Arkanoid joint is not by some now school nitwit with lots of hi tech computer shit purchased by his/her parents, it was made purely with the Commodore 64's SID chip by the incredibly talented & patient Martin Galway in 1987. You call me a nerd, I call you a cranberry, rack off you flamin' drongo.
Yes - Chicken Yellow is the fucking tits. And it's produced by Blowfly.
No - Poet should never have squashed any beef, he should have got beefier & beefier, most rappers need to be dissed.
Yes - PJ & Smiley have been responsible for some right old bum, but those Private Party joints are the kestrel's knees dunny, even Don't Distress This Groove. Honestly. Sort of. DJ Hype sounds like DJ Naffa, but Summer Madness is well tasty, pity I didn't remember it a couple of years ago. Cheekie Bee - Where are they now #945298.
No - I don't know where Shogun MC is, or what the frig the deal was with Blue Chip Records.
Yes - Dilla/Black Sheep/MF/Tribe/Stet/Ghostface/De La/Other people did sample that !
No - Don't sample that mp3 you twazzock, go & buy some old records, then sample them. On a sampler.
Yes - Black Cow probably is one of the greatest tracks ever, don't even think about asking for my take on it's lyrics, & Gas Drawls is diggety dope.
No - I don't think Metal Thangz should have been the B side. Brooklyn Beast was 6 years ago - Where you at FT ?
Yes - The artwork on that Sweet Linda Divine LP is one of the best things that your eyes will ever see.
No - I do not know why The Mystic Moods Orchestra didn't always have the drums so high in the mix, or what on Earth was going on with that English Muffins LP.
Yes - I do own that limited edition Spotnicks bumbag with the version of Mardi Gras with Babybels on.
No - Although I did watch Playschool, I don't know which window Tom Jones is looking out of, however I do know that Delilah was originally titled Jemimah.
Yes - Poetic was an absolutely phenomenal MC, & even though Droppin' Signal had a few dubious beats it should absolutely have been released, the quality of the rhymes are ridiculously dope. I probably should have included a track from the LP, but I didn't for reasons I would rather not disclose at the moment...... Alright, I forgot. So it's probably best that you all hunt it down now, Tommy ain't my motherfuckin' boy. RIP Poetic.
No - Trouble are not a doom metal band (well, they are, but not this Trouble). Trouble are actual proof that Westwood has been responsible for some good things. And this joint is hyper than Pinocchio's nose.
Yes - Yazoo - Yes! Yes! Yes! Honestly, Situation is just so fucking ill that it's been in intensive care for 33 years. Even though Vince & Alison split decades back their milkshake company is thriving. My fave is Banana flavour, I just can't get enough.
No - ZZ Top are not included due to the current trend in beards. Shiiiiiittt, Mint Aero Flair-O's been rocking beards for donkey's, now you want to fuck me but last week I looked like the Yorkshire Ripper, cha' gyal. If you want to know why this particular ZZ Top track is included, just listen to it.
Yes - I am going to keep typing this shit until one of us drops.
No - I'm not.
Very well done for reading this far. I am aware that it may have been a troubling experience, but I am trying to experiment with a form that I am calling "Jazz Writing", & some jazz can make you feel uncomfortable. (Not as uncomfortable as Chappell AV Series - Danger/War though, if you ever see that fucker - burn it immediately).
Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.
Business As Usual.
I believe I said earlier that I wanted to "sling out a quickie", nyaaaa. Oh ! Have I typed too much babblebollocks ?
Awwww, poor you.
No, seriously, poor you.
It was either type this or dismantle my Corby Trouser Press again.
This has all been a bit one sided & i'm beginning to feel sorry for you, so I think at this point it would only be fair to list the tracks.
Here y'are.

Strictly Business presents -
Strictly Space Mountain

4-Ever Fresh - Urban Sound Surgeon
A Tribe Called Quest feat Kid Hood & Leaders Of The New School - Scenario Remix
Big Daddy Kane - The Beef Is On
Dirty Dike feat Stig Of The Dump, Dr Syntax, Bva, Datkid, Verb T, Jam Baxter, Edward Scissortongue, Mr Key, Fliptrix & Leaf Dog - Future Posse Cut One Thousand
Egyptian Lover - E-Rap (Holding It Down)
Eilert Pilarm - Jailhouse Rock
Grand Wizard Theodore & The Fantastic 5 - Can I Get A Soul Clapp
Habitat & DJ Severe feat Mnsr Frites, Archetype, El Tel The Dopeness & Chrome - Polyrhythmic
Ice-T - Squeeze The Trigger
Jimmy Van & Richard Hieronymus - I Weigh With Kilos
J-Live - Not Listening
John McLaughlin - Honky Tonk Haven
Kings Of Swing - Stop Jockin' James
Kool & The Gang - Chocolate Buttermilk
Lakim Shabazz - Posse Is Large (Ced Gee Remix)
Lee Moses - Time & Place
Maggie Thrett - Soupy
Martin Galway - Arkanoid
McCoy Tyner - Impressions
Miami - Chicken Yellow
Newcleus - Jam On It
Overlord X - Definition
Pete Rock & CL Smooth - Soul Brother #1
Pleasure Web - Music Man
Poet - All Hell Breakin' Loose
Poor Righteous Teachers feat KRS One - Conscious Style
Private Party - Tennents
Raekwon feat Nas & Ghost Face Killah - Verbal Intercourse
René Costy & His Orchestra - Scrabble
Roxanne Shanté - Roxanne's Profile
Serge Gainsbourg - En Melody
Shogun MC - Ready For Action
Showbiz & AG - Diggin In The Crates
Spye - Oops Sorry
Steely Dan - Black Cow
Stig Of The Dump - On A Rampage
Street Smartz feat OC & Pharoahe Monch - Metal Thangz
Sweet Linda Divine - I'll Say It Again
The Cenobites - Lex Lugor
The Mystic Moods - Cosmic Sea
The Spotnicks - Take Me To The Mardi Gras
Tom Jones - Looking Out My Window
Too Poetic - God Made Me Funky
Trouble - I Get Hype
Yazoo - Situation
ZZ Top - It's Only Love

Password - defandstupid

And i've got news for you, when you get off Space Mountain you'll be like this.
(Hit the deck & lie spreadeagle flat on your back).
Now you are fully armed with the info, go out & buy these tracks from your local independent music retailer.
On vinyl.
I'm done, that's it, it's over man.
This blog will delete in 10 seconds.
Must be a bug in the software.
Seems like we're still here.
Righty ho.
Well I suppose we better drop something gigantimassive on your noggins then.
Baron Von Flairington's terrible timing has transmogrified into perfect timing.
It's this blog's 5th birthday, so plenty celebratory shenanigans will be popping off.
Honestly, I know I say honestly a lot, but honestly, something spesh is pulling into the SB station.
So, on that bombshell, this is Lou Flairino signing off.
Stay tuned to Strictly Business.
Aw, bloody Nora, the version of John Coltrane's Impressions by McCoy Tyner is misspelled, you might wanna sort that out.
Thanks a lot Ron Carter on the bass, yes my man Ron Carter is on the bass.
I'm off like Christ Bearer's nob.
Word to Chestwigz.

"From The Womb To The Tomb, Presume The Unpredictable"